Archive for June, 2010

Have I ever told you
that if I sit really still and silent,
sometimes. I like to think
I can hear your heart beating
in time with mine?

Have I ever told you
that when I watch you speak to me
through lines and cords,
and bytes and ram,
I imagine
your voice,
whispering into my ear?

Have I ever told you
that I wait out each day
in anticipation,
wanting
only an hour or two,
just a second in space and time,
to feel close to you?

Have I ever told you
that there has been times,
when I ached for you,
ached for you so badly,
that the emotions overwhelmed me..
and so I sat and cried?

Have I ever told you
that sometimes,
I will reach out,
touching your name
on this cold screen before me,
wishing
I could reach in
and pull you to me?

Have I ever told you
that after the first time I heard
the sound of your voice,
thousands of miles away,
I sat up all night,
turning the conversation over and over
in my mind,
examining it,
like some newly discovered species of flower?

Have I ever told you
that I would give everything up,
just for one night
to be able to lay near you,
to feel your chest rise and fall
with each breath you take,
just to know that you are real?

Have I ever told you
that I dream of you often,
I dream of you reaching out
and touching my hand,
simply to let me know
that you are there,
and everything is okay?

Have I ever told you,
have I still yet to tell you . . .
that I love you?

A beautiful poem eh

The feelings were true, but the lies took it away… Idk but I cant sleep and I been sitting here thinking … I dont want to go back in time I just am so sorry…

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I don’t know what to do.. I have not lived near or close to my family most of my life.. I left home when I was 16 yrs old.. Moved all over the place til I made Winnipeg my new home and stayed for 15 yrs off and on.. I moved to Windsor in March 2009 to be close to them.. But I did enjoy being away from them as much as I missed everyone too..  But I wanna leave Windsor so bad, but I wanna stay at the same time, at least til I go see Arse this time and not run away from him eh.. I wanna know how it feels to have his nekkid body against mine. And to feel him deep inside me.. Sigh. I wish I didn’t let things happen the way they did. If I didn’t I could have known what  it feels like to be with him.. Idk if it’s a good idea to go and have sex with him but, I feel if I don’t I would always wonder how good it felt..  Sigh I hope I figure out these things before its to late… I never been with some one just for sex, but I wanna know all the same how good it feels..

Life is like a book. Each day is a new page. May your book be a bestseller with adventures to tell, lessons to learn and tales of good deeds to remember.

So today was a slack day on the workout. Instead I did a 4 mile jog and run and did laps in the pool and just went swimming.. Tomorrow will be a Cardio day for sure and a bit of kempo.. Still eating proper and had one smoke all day… I just need to stop smoking all togther eh.. One day at a time is how I am taken it tho..

’Keep it Real’

Posted: June 25, 2010 by Marya in Poems
Tags: , , , , ,

“Just ‘Keep it Real'”, she said, I squealed with delight inside –
From there I stepped outside,
Shied away from hiding my feelings.
‘Keep it Real’ – manifest your truth – live authentically.

“Take it slow!” she frowned,
“Be careful, don’t you know where you’re going?”
“I don’t know”, I said, “didn’t you just say to ‘Keep it Real?'”
My mind reels with confusion
Keeping it Real is an illusion, delusion even!
What does it mean when ‘free’ seems ‘freefalling’?

I’m falling. I love it. Stepping into the unknown –
shown no way but my own.
God it feels good.
No shadow, no distance, just me in this instant –
twirling and falling, drowning and smiling.

“What now?”, I ask. “Keep It Real”. “But how?”
“If Real feels like I’m spinning – and winning – what now?
I can’t live my life with my feet off the ground!”
“I know”, she said, “so what have you found?”

“I’m frightened”, I said, “of what I’ve become,
I’ve lost all my senses, become comfortably numb.
But now to allow to unravel like this
I can suddenly see what in life I have miss’d.
Miss my life, miss my time – inextricably mine –
yet, by me stolen away and hidden in time.”

“What is Real?”, she said. “How I feel.” I felt
bursting with goodness
with bountiful happiness
splendiforous sauciness
and ridiculous bawdiness
“Wow, wow, wow, this is it!”
Such spirit, such treasure,
what a world of great pleasure
I found myself in..

“Who are you?” she asked,
You know, t’was as if this had passed
me by up to now.
“Who am I?” I said
“I don’t know” in my head
a magnitude of images flicked through my mind
a spiral of intangibles sped my by eyes
“I’m a being who is seeing
for the very first time,
Being reborn, still torn between two worlds,
not yet found my feet in just one.”

“Keep it real”, I harumphed, “I feel I’ve neglected one side –
shied away from the truth
while rekindling my youth.
My ‘other’, my soulmate, my mirror, my love –
why can’t I look to him, what am I scared of?
I’m scared that to hold him might put me back on the ground,
when really I’m ecstatic to be freefalling right now.

Maybe ‘real’, I now see, is no specific thing –
no ‘one or the other’, no ‘understanding’.
‘Real’ can be movement, a falling in space,
‘Real’ is not belonging to a particular place.

For now, ‘authentic’
is hand in hand with planning the next bit –
coming closer to ground,
not spinning, but floating down,
keeping unlocked from inside all my merriment and mirth
And enjoying this moment, this amazing rebirth.

June 25th 2010

Posted: June 25, 2010 by Marya in Quote of the day
Tags: , , , ,

Fight for the things you love, and love the things worth fighting for.

I took a break from working out.. But I did do laps in the pool and did ride the bike for 45 mins.. My side was hurting me so I took a break for the day.. Tomorrow is another day..