My rant… my thoughts on Justin

Posted: July 7, 2010 by Marya in How I messed up my life, by Marya
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

So I did something so stupid eh.. I and now idk what to do.. I mean I am happy Justin is still my friend and that we watch movies and message each other sometimes on Blackberry even tho the messages have gotten less over the last week days but I understand.. Things aren’t the same no more between us no doubt.. After what I did to him. I couldn’t even face him when he came over to see me.. But I didn’t stop him from coming and I should have eh??  He had to find out and that was one way to show him even tho it wasnt the right way. He’s a really good man and very honest and fun to know. We still share some things like we used to idk if it’s a good idea but I am glad we do 🙂

 I wanna know what it feels like to be with him sexual yeah I said it, I bet he’s a fn awesome lover just by the things we have shared so far eh 😉 so I got all my ID and can get my new passport and then be able to go and find out for myself.. I try not to think of him as much as I use to but sometimes it hard not have him on my mind..

I made some new friends and confused to some old ones who are still my friends still cause they enjoy knowing me and things havent changed between them and me yay, Thank God eh .. I am still me how I am and act. But I notice I have changed how I talk or think of Justin now but, no one else.. Were all still very close and talk the same way as before.. I wish him all the best in life cause he deserves it no doubt.

What if I go fuck Justin and like it too much and it would suck to just leave, Most of my friends think I am nuts to just go to see him for sex.. So idk what to do about it.. It would drive me nuts not knowing. I never wanted to feel anyone that way as much as I want to him. I really feel I should go and see for myself what I would be missing out on eh.

I started to workout to get in shape and try to fill a void I feel now. I been sun tanning and eating proper and doing my P90X workouts swim in the pool and so on but, I still feel kinda empty inside. This is the begin of a new me I have changed how I use to be and thank you Justin for that, and helping me get my sleeping habits proper and all the stuff I did learn from knowing you wich is more than you realise eh *hugs*

I got some really good friends and family trying to help me smarten up and get through all of this mess I made. And I love and thank them for it for not hating me or judging me, love you all..

I know some of my friends will read this and hate me for it but oh well, its my life and I am a big girl eh.. lol

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