#3-Find Your Self Love first… then You Will Find Your Soulmate…. Continue…

Posted: July 21, 2010 by Marya in Marya's thoughts
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What happens when you are UNCLEAR or NOT REAL in a relationship?

You are UNCLEAR in a relationship when you hide any part of who you REALLY are and how you REALLY feel. When partners are unclear with one another, they create a prison of their own making – which must eventually be escaped – a relationship founded on untruths will always crumble.

Happiness can only come from being CLEAR. You must have the courage to speak the truth you hear and feel coming from your heart of hearts, no matter what you fear will be the outcome.  Nothing real and lasting can come from a lie.

Being UNCLEAR is choosing to say or do something other than what your heart is telling you; it is abandoning your true self, and not trusting your own heart (soul) to guide you.  Every time you are UNclear you tear down your own self-confidence, self-like, self-esteem, self-acceptance, and self-respect.

You are UNCLEAR when:

1.You refuse to trust in, or rely on your own abilities… This tears down your self-confidence.
2.You do not enjoy your own company, because who wants to be around liars or pretenders… This tears down self-like.
3.You under value yourself by not considering your own opinion or course in life to be of importance… This tears down your self-esteem.
4.You repeatedly do not approve of or believe in your own character… This tears down your self-acceptance.
5.You do not honor or show consideration for your own feelings and needs… This tears down your self-respect.
Being UNCLEAR causes guilt, remorse, carries karmic debt, and creates obstructions and impurities within the self. It is critical to define tearing here and to point out that the word ear is also contained within tear.  You can replace the T in TEAR with an H to make HEAR.  At all times you have the choice to 1) hear and honor yourself, or 2) hide and tear yourself down.

TEAR etymologically comes from skin, hide (please note: to be UNCLEAR is to hide your true feelings).  Tear ultimately dates back to prehistoric Indo-European based sken- cut off, section, segment. Tearing your-self down is the same thing as cutting part of your-self off.

Today tear means to pull apart or separate into pieces, to divide with doubt, uncertainty, torment [a mind torn between duty (head) and desire (heart)].  It is equally important to show that the root word ’skin’ contains the word ’sin’. Sin is linked etymologically to Latin sons ‘guilty’ to English sooth ‘truth’ and to Sanskrit satya- ‘real, true’. The ancestral meaning of sin is simply to be guilty of not telling the truth.

The other definition of tear is crying, weeping, sorrow, grief. The word grief comes from the root oppress, which is to subdue; repress emotions (feelings), passions. When you tear your-self down, you create your own tears and grief because you are cutting off your head from your heart, and creating inner division.

Your head and your heart must come together as soul mates – You must become your own soul’s mate before you can be a soul mate to someone else.  Only two WHOLE people can come together as soul mates.

What will cause you to be UNCLEAR or to abandon your heart?
Fear is the cause for being UNCLEAR – for abandoning your heart of hearts – for not speaking your truth that which you feel is REALLY right for you in any given situation. It is the “fear of pain” – the pain that comes from not getting what you want – what you EXPECT – what you THINK you need – that will convince you that it is ok to hide part of your heart – cut your true self off – to lie to yourself and others – in order to achieve your IDEAL of love.

We all have an ideal of what we think love should be. This image is shaped by family, friends, peers, culture and society. When we grow up and enter into a relationship, we naturally then look to our partner to fulfill this IDEAL of love. The FEAR of possibly not achieving our ideal, of being DISAPPOINTED if it doesn’t happen the way we picture it should be – is what tempts us into abandoning our true inner-self, and tricks us into putting on a mask and playing the role we think we must in order to be accepted.

EXPECTATION comes from Latin expectare, a compound of ‘ex’- out and ’spectare’ look.  When you expect something, you are  literally looking out for and anticipating it. When you place an expectation on someone (like your ideal of love), you are looking out to them (outside of yourself) for fulfillment.

DISAPPOINTMENT originally and literally meant, to deprive of an appointment; to fail to keep an appointment, the ancestor of the modern English fail to satisfy an expectation, frustrate.  I would like you to consider that when you are looking out to someone else to fulfill your ideal of love, you are actually dis-appointing yourself from meeting your true soul mate… you are missing or postponing your appointment with him or her.

FEAR etymologically meant danger, peril, ambush and snare, with the basic sense of trap. It is also linked to Greek pera, ‘go through’, and English fare, ‘go’, pointing to an underlying meaning of what one undergoes or experiences. One of the meanings today is to ‘expect with misgiving, doubt’.

Fear is created by thinking that you may not get what you expect… The thought that you may not get what you want or expect causes pain. The fear of pain, and the desire to avoid pain, will tempt you to trap someone with lies. You snare someone with your expectations when you tell them what you think they need to hear (or turn yourself into who you think they need you to be) in order to get from them, that which you think you want or need… when you expect them to fulfill your IDEAL of love.

PAIN has an ancestral meaning of punishment and comes to English from Latin pen, penalty, which also gave us pine. Pine originally meant pain. You create pain when you pine away for someone else to fulfill your expectations of love. Pain is the punishment of expectation – of looking outside of yourself for fulfillment.

YOU MUST COME TO UNDERSTAND that when you expect someone else to fulfill your ideal of love, you are creating the fear that they may not love you… and then when they can’t or don’t, it is really you who created your own disappointment… not them. Your pain comes from looking outside of yourself for fulfillment, from expecting someone else to be who you need them to be, instead of who they REALLY are.

How can you expect someone to accept and love you for who you REALLY are – if you don’t show your true self to them… and if you don’t allow them to be their true SELF – but instead expect them to be what you need – in order to fulfill your own ideal of love? It is never fair and is not love to place your expectations on another.  It is selfishness, pure and simple. If you are doing this, you are not giving the other person the space to be REAL and CLEAR, and are not offering them the unconditional love that you yourself seek.

We EXPECT from each other – ALL THE TIME – even without consciously realizing it.  Once you can see this in yourself, you have a responsibility to stop, fess up (be clear), and assist others in doing the same.  Set the example, and be a safe place where they can come to confide their true feelings… without judgment, jealousy, blame, attack or attachment to outcome… You can only offer real love when you don’t NEED someone to be anything other than what they truly are… no matter what the outcome may be. This is true love and the real meaning of if you love someone set them free.

You do not truly love someone if you cannot allow them to be naturally who they are and vice-versa. You must learn to release expectations and start offering unconditional love to others before you will ever be worthy to receive this kind of love in return.

To be worthy of receiving love, you must first freely give it.

You must learn to look at things as they really are, rather than as you would like them to be. You must stop making yourself into what others want you to be, and learn to be true to your own heart (soul).  This requires the constant practice of owning your feelings and expressing them without judgment or expectation.  Do not deny or repress your feelings but instead communicate them accurately and openly without using them to attack or blame and without feeling like you must apologize for them.

You must reach a point where you can face and experience that which you desire… and then to be able to let go of it, if that which you desire would cause you to be unclear or not who you really are.
The practice of being CLEAR (an open book) will eventually lead you to who you really are… to your-self love… and to your true soul mate.  It may take many relationships (practice) to get it right, and you may stumble and fall prey to temptations (to be unclear) along the way, but do not get discouraged (lose your courage).  As long as you are committed to your heart (soul) first, you will NEVER have any reason for regret.

It is a disservice to yourself and others when you are not completely honest, and/or prolong a lie. THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE… and everyone else along with you. You must learn to offer loyalty to others in non-possessive ways and to give that which you wish to receive.  You cannot do this until you have worked through your own jealousy and fear and are emotionally secure and able to communicate your feelings, desires and concerns with honesty.

The longer you hold on to someone that is not right for you – because you fear the pain of loss – or that you might not be able to find anyone better to replace them – the longer your suffering will endure… the longer your DIS-APPOINTMENT [not making your appointment with your true soul] mate will last.

Follow the path of truth and you will start to see that each new relationship will be better than the last. This is because you won’t be repeating the same mistakes.  Letting go will free you to move on…  By releasing those people who cannot accept the REAL YOU, you will be opening the door for a more equal love to come into your life.

Truth is more important than love, because there can be no love without truth.
 Think about it!

Through The Law of Attraction you will eventually find yourself face-to-face with your desired soul mate, and you will know each other… because both of you will have followed the same path to find one another… the inner path… the – to thy own self be true – path.

  1. Marya says:

    All this advice and I am single eh.. How funny is that :p

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