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This is funny

Posted: July 25, 2010 by Marya in Funny Stuff
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My First Condom                                   

                   I recall my first time with a condom, I was 14 or so. I
                   went in to buy a                                       
                   packet of condoms at Levin’s pharmacy.                 

                   There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the    
                   counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She   
                   handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear  
                   one.  I honestly answered,                             
                    ‘No, this is my first time.’                          

                   So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped 
                   it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was
                   on tight and secure.                                   

                   I apparently still looked confused. So, she looked all 
                   around                                                 
                   the store to see if it were empty. It was empty. ‘Just 
                   a minute,’ she                                         
                   said, and walked to the door, and locked it..          

                   Taking my hand, she led me into the back room,         
                   unbuttoned                                             
                   her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and    
                   laid it aside.                                         
                   Do these excite you?’ She asked.                       
                   Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod 
                   my head.                                               

                   She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I  
                   was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her 
                   panties and lay down on a desk. ‘Well, come on’, she   
                   said,  ‘We  don’t have much  time..’                   

                   So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that         
                   unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW, I
                   was done within a few moments.                         

                   She looked at me with a bit of a frown. ‘Did you put   
                   that condom on?’ she asked.                            

                   I said, ‘I sure did,’ and held up my thumb to show her.

                   She then beat the shit out of me…….

Great Rack, Fine Vintage

There’s now the perfect gift for the girl who has everything – including a desire to secretly drink while simultaneously getting a breast lift.
The Wine Rack, a black sports bra with a plastic “bladder” that can hold an entire bottle of wine, is featured in BaronBob.com.
…The $29.95 device has a drinking tube long enough to sip from. Add liquid and the gift store promises you will turn “from and A cup into double Ds.”

Yup, this is what’s in the paper. it’s a free paper, mind you, and does have real articles. but it’s also chockas of funny things like this.

A Joke

Posted: July 1, 2010 by Marya in Funny Stuff
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Last week was my birthday and I didn’t feel very well waking up on that morning.

I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, ‘Happy Birthday!’, and possibly have a small present for me.

As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone ‘ Happy Birthday.’

I thought “Well, that’s marriage for you, but the kids, they will remember”.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn’t say a word.
So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.
As I walked into my office my secretary Jane said, ‘Good Morning Boss,
and by the way Happy Birthday ! ‘
It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o’clock , when Jane knocked on my door and said, ‘You know, It’s such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday,
what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me.’
I said, ‘Thanks, Jane, that’s the greatest thing I’ve heard all day.
Let’s go !’

We went to lunch. But we didn’t go where we normally would go.
She chose instead at a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office Jane said, ‘You know, It’s such a beautiful day, we don’t need to go straight back to the office, Do We ?’
I responded, ‘I guess not. What do you have in mind ?’
She said, ‘Let’s drop by my apartment, it’s just around the corner.’

After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, ‘ Boss, if you don’t mind, I’m going to step into the bedroom for just a moment.
I’ll be right back.’
‘Ok.’ I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes,
she came out…
carrying a huge birthday cake …
Followed by my wife,
And my kids,
and dozens of my friends and co-workers,
all singing ‘Happy Birthday’.
And I just sat there,
On the couch…

Naked.