Posts Tagged ‘Esteem’

What happens when you are UNCLEAR or NOT REAL in a relationship?

You are UNCLEAR in a relationship when you hide any part of who you REALLY are and how you REALLY feel. When partners are unclear with one another, they create a prison of their own making – which must eventually be escaped – a relationship founded on untruths will always crumble.

Happiness can only come from being CLEAR. You must have the courage to speak the truth you hear and feel coming from your heart of hearts, no matter what you fear will be the outcome.  Nothing real and lasting can come from a lie.

Being UNCLEAR is choosing to say or do something other than what your heart is telling you; it is abandoning your true self, and not trusting your own heart (soul) to guide you.  Every time you are UNclear you tear down your own self-confidence, self-like, self-esteem, self-acceptance, and self-respect.

You are UNCLEAR when:

1.You refuse to trust in, or rely on your own abilities… This tears down your self-confidence.
2.You do not enjoy your own company, because who wants to be around liars or pretenders… This tears down self-like.
3.You under value yourself by not considering your own opinion or course in life to be of importance… This tears down your self-esteem.
4.You repeatedly do not approve of or believe in your own character… This tears down your self-acceptance.
5.You do not honor or show consideration for your own feelings and needs… This tears down your self-respect.
Being UNCLEAR causes guilt, remorse, carries karmic debt, and creates obstructions and impurities within the self. It is critical to define tearing here and to point out that the word ear is also contained within tear.  You can replace the T in TEAR with an H to make HEAR.  At all times you have the choice to 1) hear and honor yourself, or 2) hide and tear yourself down.

TEAR etymologically comes from skin, hide (please note: to be UNCLEAR is to hide your true feelings).  Tear ultimately dates back to prehistoric Indo-European based sken- cut off, section, segment. Tearing your-self down is the same thing as cutting part of your-self off.

Today tear means to pull apart or separate into pieces, to divide with doubt, uncertainty, torment [a mind torn between duty (head) and desire (heart)].  It is equally important to show that the root word ’skin’ contains the word ’sin’. Sin is linked etymologically to Latin sons ‘guilty’ to English sooth ‘truth’ and to Sanskrit satya- ‘real, true’. The ancestral meaning of sin is simply to be guilty of not telling the truth.

The other definition of tear is crying, weeping, sorrow, grief. The word grief comes from the root oppress, which is to subdue; repress emotions (feelings), passions. When you tear your-self down, you create your own tears and grief because you are cutting off your head from your heart, and creating inner division.

Your head and your heart must come together as soul mates – You must become your own soul’s mate before you can be a soul mate to someone else.  Only two WHOLE people can come together as soul mates.

What will cause you to be UNCLEAR or to abandon your heart?
Fear is the cause for being UNCLEAR – for abandoning your heart of hearts – for not speaking your truth that which you feel is REALLY right for you in any given situation. It is the “fear of pain” – the pain that comes from not getting what you want – what you EXPECT – what you THINK you need – that will convince you that it is ok to hide part of your heart – cut your true self off – to lie to yourself and others – in order to achieve your IDEAL of love.

We all have an ideal of what we think love should be. This image is shaped by family, friends, peers, culture and society. When we grow up and enter into a relationship, we naturally then look to our partner to fulfill this IDEAL of love. The FEAR of possibly not achieving our ideal, of being DISAPPOINTED if it doesn’t happen the way we picture it should be – is what tempts us into abandoning our true inner-self, and tricks us into putting on a mask and playing the role we think we must in order to be accepted.

EXPECTATION comes from Latin expectare, a compound of ‘ex’- out and ’spectare’ look.  When you expect something, you are  literally looking out for and anticipating it. When you place an expectation on someone (like your ideal of love), you are looking out to them (outside of yourself) for fulfillment.

DISAPPOINTMENT originally and literally meant, to deprive of an appointment; to fail to keep an appointment, the ancestor of the modern English fail to satisfy an expectation, frustrate.  I would like you to consider that when you are looking out to someone else to fulfill your ideal of love, you are actually dis-appointing yourself from meeting your true soul mate… you are missing or postponing your appointment with him or her.

FEAR etymologically meant danger, peril, ambush and snare, with the basic sense of trap. It is also linked to Greek pera, ‘go through’, and English fare, ‘go’, pointing to an underlying meaning of what one undergoes or experiences. One of the meanings today is to ‘expect with misgiving, doubt’.

Fear is created by thinking that you may not get what you expect… The thought that you may not get what you want or expect causes pain. The fear of pain, and the desire to avoid pain, will tempt you to trap someone with lies. You snare someone with your expectations when you tell them what you think they need to hear (or turn yourself into who you think they need you to be) in order to get from them, that which you think you want or need… when you expect them to fulfill your IDEAL of love.

PAIN has an ancestral meaning of punishment and comes to English from Latin pen, penalty, which also gave us pine. Pine originally meant pain. You create pain when you pine away for someone else to fulfill your expectations of love. Pain is the punishment of expectation – of looking outside of yourself for fulfillment.

YOU MUST COME TO UNDERSTAND that when you expect someone else to fulfill your ideal of love, you are creating the fear that they may not love you… and then when they can’t or don’t, it is really you who created your own disappointment… not them. Your pain comes from looking outside of yourself for fulfillment, from expecting someone else to be who you need them to be, instead of who they REALLY are.

How can you expect someone to accept and love you for who you REALLY are – if you don’t show your true self to them… and if you don’t allow them to be their true SELF – but instead expect them to be what you need – in order to fulfill your own ideal of love? It is never fair and is not love to place your expectations on another.  It is selfishness, pure and simple. If you are doing this, you are not giving the other person the space to be REAL and CLEAR, and are not offering them the unconditional love that you yourself seek.

We EXPECT from each other – ALL THE TIME – even without consciously realizing it.  Once you can see this in yourself, you have a responsibility to stop, fess up (be clear), and assist others in doing the same.  Set the example, and be a safe place where they can come to confide their true feelings… without judgment, jealousy, blame, attack or attachment to outcome… You can only offer real love when you don’t NEED someone to be anything other than what they truly are… no matter what the outcome may be. This is true love and the real meaning of if you love someone set them free.

You do not truly love someone if you cannot allow them to be naturally who they are and vice-versa. You must learn to release expectations and start offering unconditional love to others before you will ever be worthy to receive this kind of love in return.

To be worthy of receiving love, you must first freely give it.

You must learn to look at things as they really are, rather than as you would like them to be. You must stop making yourself into what others want you to be, and learn to be true to your own heart (soul).  This requires the constant practice of owning your feelings and expressing them without judgment or expectation.  Do not deny or repress your feelings but instead communicate them accurately and openly without using them to attack or blame and without feeling like you must apologize for them.

You must reach a point where you can face and experience that which you desire… and then to be able to let go of it, if that which you desire would cause you to be unclear or not who you really are.
The practice of being CLEAR (an open book) will eventually lead you to who you really are… to your-self love… and to your true soul mate.  It may take many relationships (practice) to get it right, and you may stumble and fall prey to temptations (to be unclear) along the way, but do not get discouraged (lose your courage).  As long as you are committed to your heart (soul) first, you will NEVER have any reason for regret.

It is a disservice to yourself and others when you are not completely honest, and/or prolong a lie. THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE… and everyone else along with you. You must learn to offer loyalty to others in non-possessive ways and to give that which you wish to receive.  You cannot do this until you have worked through your own jealousy and fear and are emotionally secure and able to communicate your feelings, desires and concerns with honesty.

The longer you hold on to someone that is not right for you – because you fear the pain of loss – or that you might not be able to find anyone better to replace them – the longer your suffering will endure… the longer your DIS-APPOINTMENT [not making your appointment with your true soul] mate will last.

Follow the path of truth and you will start to see that each new relationship will be better than the last. This is because you won’t be repeating the same mistakes.  Letting go will free you to move on…  By releasing those people who cannot accept the REAL YOU, you will be opening the door for a more equal love to come into your life.

Truth is more important than love, because there can be no love without truth.
 Think about it!

Through The Law of Attraction you will eventually find yourself face-to-face with your desired soul mate, and you will know each other… because both of you will have followed the same path to find one another… the inner path… the – to thy own self be true – path.

Self love requires Confidence, Like, Esteem, Acceptance and Respect for the person YOU are – for your SELF. The word CLEAR becomes apparent in the search for self-love and is the key to becoming whole and to finding your soul mate too.

C = confidence
L = like
E = esteem
A = acceptance
R = Respect

Let’s examine what’s required to meet each of these conditions:

1.Confidence requires trust, faith, reliance, assurance and belief in your own abilities.
2.Like requires that you are pleased with and enjoy being the person you are.
3.Esteem requires that you consider your own opinion and course in life as valuable.
4.Acceptance requires that you continually approve of and believe in who you are.
5.Respect requires paying close attention to how you feel and regarding your own needs. You respect your “self” when you can ‘look back’ on your words, actions, and deeds and know that you have acted with integrity.
Please note the words EAR and REAL can be made out of the letters in the word CLEAR. These three words: clear, ear and real light the path for how to achieve self-love. The practice of being CLEAR and REAL and using your inner EAR to hear is all that’s needed to find self love and the love of a soul mate.

Let’s review each of these words as applied to the self:

CLEAR shares a root with ‘claim, declare, call out and counsel’.  Today it translates as being ‘transparent, easily seen or heard, not obscure, open, obvious, certain’ and also ‘free from guilt, free from debt, free from obstruction, free from impurities, innocence‘.  To be clear you must not HIDE anything when declaring or making a claim.  Implied by definition, you are innocent when speaking openly and honestly about WHATEVER you feel inside… no matter what it is.

REAL is translated as ‘existing as or in fact, actual, true, genuine, authentic, honest, free from deceit‘.  To be real, you must not lie, wear masks, play roles or say anything other than what you truly feel in your heart.

EAR comes from ‘perception, perceive.’  ‘Perceive’ and ‘ear’ share the same root meaning, ‘to take hold of,  feel, comprehend, to grasp mentally, recognize, observe, be aware of.’  The HEART, besides being a vital muscle, is defined as being the ‘inner most feelings or passion.’  It is said to be the residing place of the soul, the guiding voice of the self… which can only be ‘perceived’ with the inner ear, thus it is fitting HEART contains the words ‘ear’ and ‘hear’. 

Inner hearing is awareness of how your heart feels. The Rumanian word for ‘heart’ inima, comes from the Latin anima, meaning ‘soul‘.  Everyone has heard the idioms, ‘heart to heart talk’, ‘follow your heart’, ‘listen to your heart’, and ’speak from the heart’.  Heart is also connected etymologically and is interchangeable with the word courage.

To be CLEAR you must have the courage to be REAL and to follow your heart (soul) wherever it may lead!  This is how you will find your soul mate and your –self  love.  You must make being CLEAR your moral code of conduct.

1.Before speaking or acting, first stop and consider how you really feel… HEAR the deepest messages of your HEART (soul) with your inner EAR.
2.Have the courage to be honest, to stand by your heart’s desire in word and deed. Do what you feel is RIGHT for you, regardless of what you fear the outcome might be.
True Soulmates are partners who are CLEAR with one another at all times.  This is because they allow each other the space and freedom to be REAL.  Soul mates do not place expectations on each other to fulfill one another’s ideal of what they think love should be. 

Remain committed to you first and to being the person you REALLY are – to making the person you present to the world the same person you are on the inside – and you will eventually draw your soul mate into your life… another genuine person like who you have become.

REALITY CHECK: Are you being CLEAR with prospective partners, or are you playing roles and wearing masks that hide your true self? Are you afraid you will not be accepted for who you really are?  Are you looking for someone to fulfill your expectations of what you think love should be?

Soulmate love far surpasses chemical attraction; it overcomes all duality, role playing, ego, pride and superficiality and reflects back to you your own inner beauty and truth.

If you haven’t already found your soul mate, you CAN find a person committed to loving and accepting you for who you REALLY are, without condition, by first learning to love and accept your “self” in this way. Give to yourself and others that which you wish to receive. Stop looking outside of yourself for love and acceptance and you will certainly attract a life-time soulmate, if this is what you desire, through The Law of Attraction.

You are ALWAYS attracting to yourself that which is like you, whether you are willing to recognize this truth or not. A relationship is a mirror in which to see your own reflection. If you don’t like what you are attracting, it’s time to change!

Find Your Self Love first… then You Will Find Your Soulmate….

Part 1

Bottom line: You will find your soulmate through The Law of Attraction.

Physics defines The Law of Attraction as the mutual (shared in common) action by which bodies or particles tend to draw together or cohere (hold together in a mass that resists separation). You must make yourself into – or like – the person you wish to attract and stay together with.

Give what you want to get in relationships and all things in life! You will ALWAYS get what you give, no exceptions. This Universal Law is always at work and is why the Golden Rule is “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”… because what you do to others will ALWAYS be done to you… When you do it to others you are doing it to yourself… I cannot reiterate this enough.

1.If you want a soulmate to love and accept you unconditionally, love and accept yourself unconditionally.
2.If you want a soulmate to always tell you the truth about how they feel, always tell the truth about how you REALLY feel, regardless of what you fear will happen.
3.If you want a soulmate who is faithful, be faithful.
4.If you want a soulmate to listen and hear what you are saying, listen and hear what others are saying.
You are ALWAYS attracting to yourself that which is like you, whether you are willing to recognize this truth or not. A relationship is a MIRROR in which to see your own reflection – a reflection of how you are relating to your deepest inner “self”.

Your opinions and judgments of how someone is – are ALWAYS reflections of HOW YOU YOURSELF ARE – and show what you need to work on – where you need to make adjustments in how you are relating to your “self”.

If you attract a partner who is emotionally unavailable, then you yourself are emotionally unavailable and need to learn how to open up and trust.

If you attract someone who is jealous and possessive, then you yourself are jealous and possessive and need to learn how to release attachment to the outcome – to stop trying to control how situations turn out – and how to give emotional space and freedom to others.

When you find fear is preventing you from speaking your truth, because of how a situation may turn out – it is a reflection of exactly where you are out of balance in your relationship with your heart of hearts – it is showing you what you need to face in order to get unstuck and move in the right direction.

Fear pin-points where you are not willing to live your truth and illuminates the path you must follow to find yourself love, your soul mate, your purpose or anything else you desire in your life. You must FACE your fears… They illuminate the steps on the path that lead to true and lasting peace and happiness.

No matter the question – the answer is always the same… You must face what you fear to find what you seek – You must follow your heart of hearts to find your happiness.

It is ALL about what your heart really wants versus the reasons why you are AFRAID to follow it.

You must be willing to face your fears and let go of the things that are not real and lasting in order to find the things that are… including a soulmate.