Posts Tagged ‘haunting thoughts’

Reality is that slap in the face
When you think you have the world by the tail
And life seems to be moving at your own pace
When you feel like there is no way you can fail.

Reality is there to open your eyes
When you find you were walking with them closed
And it shows you a sight that can surely make you cry
Because with reality, it shows you what you already know.

Reality breaks a person’s heart and soul
And destroys dreams and hopes that a person feels
The truth and only truth is reality’s only goal
And it doesn’t care whose world that it might kill.

Reality keeps me in a state of mind
That I know it has complete control
But sometimes my dreams overtake reality I find
And love lives for a while in my heart and soul.

Reality is not fair.
Reality does not care.

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I lay on my bed soaking my pillow with my tears,
I try to remember exactly what it is that I fear.
Is it the passing of time or the love that I lack?
Is it the mistakes that I’ve made or the fact that I can’t bring the past back?
What is it that I’m afraid of?
Why am I so scared?
Is it the people I’ve hurt or the people that have hurt me?
Am I afraid of everything that I cant seem to see?
Is it the love of a friend, or the loss of my family?
Is it the possibility that my life can end in a tragedy?
What is it that I fear most?
What do my eyes say I’m scared of?
Is it the sun that sets but won’t seem to rise?
Is it the hope that I have that always seems to die?
Is it the trust of a person that I cannot begin to grasp?
Is it all the memories of my horrid past?
Is it me?
Can it possibly be that the thing I fear most is the thing I can’t be?
The things that I try to understand?
The me that I try to be with when I’m feeling sad?
The person I’m expected to be? is that what I fear? . . .
I think the thing I fear most . . .is me 

I write on this blog to hide the facts..
that I am clearly alone.
obviously you wouldn’t understand the pain and hurt that I have been through……
I am just running from myself  and there is nothing you can do about it.
So since I am on my own in this wonderous world..
Nothing else can be so clear
I still walk up and down the roads alone
But continue to write behind these brick walls

Window panes come crashing down
Amidst the tears and pain
Vanishing hopes are gone and flew away
Up above through twilight
Shadows cast across the floor
Reflections of the past
Trembling thoughts of one
Dwelling deep within the soul
A mystical sense of reality
Captured by the craze
All in bewilderment
Of the shock in the wave
Creatures of the dimness
Chattering amongst the green
Everything slows in stillness
What is this we see?

If only the world could see what I feel
then, would the world, know who I am
I’ve loved, lost and feared the world
for it is sometimes too much to bare

Control, power, is what I fear
for I am weak inside and full of pain
I shout and cry, but knowing
there is nobody there to hear me
I swallow the shame and anger
that lies beneath me

I am lost to reality and living in time
Though I am struggling through life
and all that it offers, I am only human
and that is what makes me . . . Me.

Still, I wish for the happiness and pleasure
that I have earned, but realize that, I have
not yet overcome the world’s greatest challenge

Love! and how to accept it –
I am ready to face my fears

I’d really like to know when my box of .25 cent Kraft Dinner turned into $1.75 a box. I mean, come on! Give me a break! It’s not exactly a gourmet food. It’s a handful of macaroni noodles with glow in the dark cheese. Of course, people like me who have been eating it since college will still buy it. Why? It’s not just because we are stupid fart-wads. It’s because we’re addicted to it. It’s like somebody put effin’ cocaine in the cheese.

Jeeze, will my freakin’ arm pain never end? I ended up at the bottom of my bed curled up into a ball. How the hell did I get there? Of course I hurt my arm even worse and my neck feels like a McDonald’s junkie backed over it.

My boss joked about me sleepwalking, but now I’m starting to wonder. I better not wake up outside, naked. Ha-ha! I might have to go to a sleep disorder clinic. Doesn’t that sound exciting? Not. There’s nothing more soothing than being hooked up to a bunch of wires and listening to the attendant talk on the phone all night about what a cushy job he has. Yeah, that should really relax me.

I’m getting a new doctor and I’m going to meet him tomorrow. The poor sucker doesn’t know what he’s in for. My last doctor I had him for years and just got him used to me, damn it. Now I have to start all over again. I need more pain medication and he better give it to me or I might end up hurting somebody. Seriously, the pain is that bad. I didn’t go into work today because I couldn’t handle the throbbing agony. The MRI is next week and they better fix it or I don’t know what I’m going to do.

Your eyes
which first held me captivated
where I stood.

Your smile
to dazzle the sun
and warm every corner of my soul.

Your voice
like a sparkling mountain stream
which flows into my heart.

Your walk
and the way your gracefulness
takes my breath away.

Your hair
about which I dreamed
cascading into my face
as you leaned over me.

Your hands
whose caress I crave
to hold my face
in their tenderness.

Your arms
I long to have around my neck
as you pull me close
to your warmth.

Most of all
everything you are
changed the way I feel about my life.

I love you.