Posts Tagged ‘memories’

I lay on my bed soaking my pillow with my tears,
I try to remember exactly what it is that I fear.
Is it the passing of time or the love that I lack?
Is it the mistakes that I’ve made or the fact that I can’t bring the past back?
What is it that I’m afraid of?
Why am I so scared?
Is it the people I’ve hurt or the people that have hurt me?
Am I afraid of everything that I cant seem to see?
Is it the love of a friend, or the loss of my family?
Is it the possibility that my life can end in a tragedy?
What is it that I fear most?
What do my eyes say I’m scared of?
Is it the sun that sets but won’t seem to rise?
Is it the hope that I have that always seems to die?
Is it the trust of a person that I cannot begin to grasp?
Is it all the memories of my horrid past?
Is it me?
Can it possibly be that the thing I fear most is the thing I can’t be?
The things that I try to understand?
The me that I try to be with when I’m feeling sad?
The person I’m expected to be? is that what I fear? . . .
I think the thing I fear most . . .is me 

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Years ago, one summer
I came upon a little hummingbird,
no bigger than my thumb.
As it fluttered about a flower
in search of sweet nectar,
I stood, frozen in time, and
was mesmerized by its grace.
I’m not sure why,
or what compelled me,
but I ran inside
to get my brother’s BB gun.
As I raced back to my prey,
I did not think
of my actions, or
of consequences, or
regret.
But only of the thought,
“I wonder if I can get it with one shot?”
At that moment, it turned to me
as if to say,
“What a beautiful creature.
so full of life, and
love, and
compassion.
It is a wonderful day to be
alive!”
But I did not listen.
Instead, intent on my mission,
I aimed, and
pulled the trigger.
And in one thoughtless moment,
a tiny lifeless body lay before
me.

I am now thirty- seven years old.
And since that summer of my youth,
A thousand memories and regrets
I have.
And one that haunts me still
is a small one.

If only . . . I had listened with my heart.

A poem I read and wanted to share eh..