Posts Tagged ‘naked’

Whilst gnawing on a piece of cheese last night I wondered why the human population is so crazy about cow’s milk. I mean, think about it. Everyone is drinking liquid that comes out of a stinky animal with a big slobbery tongue in its gob. It chews its food, barfs it up and then chews it again. It’s pretty gross when you think about it. Why don’t they make cheese out of human breast milk? It sure would be a lot easier to digest than cow enzymes. What about a whole line of human milk products? Can you imagine a bunch of naked women in a barn all lined up and hooked up to electronic milking machines? Oh crap, wait a minute. That’s just one more fantasy for men to drool about. Forget I mentioned it.

I have something else to get off my chest. (The crowd moans). Why are some people so freakin’ mean? I’d really like to know what they get out of it. Do you notice how some people never have a damn good thing to say about anyone? They criticize, lie, blame others and do just about anything to make other people’s lives miserable. I won’t name names. Let’s just call the person I’m talking about, Mr C . This anonymous person needs to be stabbed in the cranium with a fork. Isn’t there an island they can be shipped to? Too bad there’s no such thing as an anti-mean taser gun. Give-um a shot in the arm every time they say something stupid. I bet that would curb some arseholic behavior. You might think I need therapy after reading this but here’s the clincher, folks. You are my therapy. Ha-ha! Yeah, the mind is a dangerous thing, especially at five in the morning.

Advertisements

A Joke

Posted: July 1, 2010 by Marya in Funny Stuff
Tags: , , , , ,
Last week was my birthday and I didn’t feel very well waking up on that morning.

I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, ‘Happy Birthday!’, and possibly have a small present for me.

As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone ‘ Happy Birthday.’

I thought “Well, that’s marriage for you, but the kids, they will remember”.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn’t say a word.
So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.
As I walked into my office my secretary Jane said, ‘Good Morning Boss,
and by the way Happy Birthday ! ‘
It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o’clock , when Jane knocked on my door and said, ‘You know, It’s such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday,
what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me.’
I said, ‘Thanks, Jane, that’s the greatest thing I’ve heard all day.
Let’s go !’

We went to lunch. But we didn’t go where we normally would go.
She chose instead at a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office Jane said, ‘You know, It’s such a beautiful day, we don’t need to go straight back to the office, Do We ?’
I responded, ‘I guess not. What do you have in mind ?’
She said, ‘Let’s drop by my apartment, it’s just around the corner.’

After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, ‘ Boss, if you don’t mind, I’m going to step into the bedroom for just a moment.
I’ll be right back.’
‘Ok.’ I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes,
she came out…
carrying a huge birthday cake …
Followed by my wife,
And my kids,
and dozens of my friends and co-workers,
all singing ‘Happy Birthday’.
And I just sat there,
On the couch…

Naked.